Changing for the Better

We are changing all the time. I look at pictures of myself from years ago and I can see how much I have changed. I look at my sons, now in their twenties, and I can see how much they have changed. Change is life. We live through it every day of our lives.

This daily incremental change is barely noticed until we stop and take a look back. The challenge of change, therefore is change of another type. It's the sudden, massive, and disruptive forms of change that people and organizations need help with quite often.

For example, a car crash. We had a speaker at our church a weekend ago, Paula D'Arcy, who lost her husband and daughter in a car crash in 1975 when a drunk driver hit them head-on in a town in Connecticut.

This was a devastating change for her. Pregnant at the time, she later delivered her second daughter and raised her as a single parent.

As the speaker for our Lenten retreat, she spoke quite movingly about the spiritual journey that this incident triggered. She says that, for several years, she felt as though she was "swimming in darkness," a gloomy time of sadness and anger, a time of deep depression when she couldn't move on with her life.

Last night I watched the movie The Company Men (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1172991/) about the aftermath of a corporate downsizing, focusing on how several of the executives (played by Ben Affleck, Chris Cooper, Craig T. Nelson, Maria Bello, and Tommy Lee Jones) handle the transition that this calamity sets in motion.

In both stories, the talk given by Paula D'Arcy and the film (by director John Wells), important lessons about change emerge. One of those lessons is that there is a third type of change: the change we make intentionally.

After several friends lovingly intervened to help her start to live again, one of Paula's friends introduced her to Norman Vincent Peale. That proved to be a turning point for her. She made the choice to start living again. From that point on, Paula became a spiritual writer and speaker. Today she travels the world as a catalyst for women's voices.

In the film, the main character, played by Ben Affleck, tries to reclaim his former role as a rising sales executive, but finds that the Great Recession is against him. After months of unemployment and many disappointments, including the loss of his house and car, he makes an important choice. He chooses to change. He responds to the invitation (which he had previously turned down) by his brother-in-law (played by Kevin Costner) to work for him, in his home construction business, as a helper.

Humbled by what has happened in his life, grateful for the opportunity to work, and seeking some light in the gloom, he makes a choice and starts his transition.

A word that often comes up in this context is adaptation. "Improvise, adapt and overcome" is the mantra of the US Marines. Leaders ought to know something about "how to do change right." The core competency of leaders should include a deep understanding of the nature of change, how to choose it, and how to lead it.

Warren Bennis once said that leadership is the ability to turn vision into reality. In other words, to lead intentional change.

Posted by Terrence Seamon on Saturday March 24, 2012

Slow Down. Pay Attention. Listen.

Yesterday, in my post called "Forget Yourself," the idea was to slow down at least once a day, to pay attention to ordinary things, to what is happening in your own back yard, where Nature is doing what she always does, but most of us tend to miss it as we rush through our lives.

There was a context to that post that I did not share, which I want to write about now. I was waiting for the appropriate time, as you will see.

Last night at church we ended our three night Lenten mission with guest Paula D'Arcy. It was a mini-retreat in 3 evenings. And it was a wonderful experience.

Lent is a time for contemplation of one's life, for considering what you are doing, and where you are going, and for conversion of heart, bringing oneself back into alignment with what God calls us to become.

Paula didn't speak much about Lent directly. Instead, her three talks opened up the three aspects of the Pilgrim's Way, the walk we Christians take throughout our lives. The first is to Walk Humbly, knowing that we don't know, but trusting in the voice that guides us. The second is to Open our Hearts, to receive what God is giving to us, even when we experience disappointments and setbacks, when it isn't what we prayed for. And the third is to Let Go of what we are carrying, so that we can continue to walk into the mystery that is the Further Journey.

She talked about all of the above through the use of her own personal stories, stories of devastating loss and stories of incredible hope and love.

When the mission ended last night, each person I turned to in the church seemed beautifully dazed by what they had just experienced with our speaker. One person said, "How does she remember all of those stories in such detail? I can barely remember what I did yesterday."

In that comment, I believe we have one of the keys to living the Pilgrim Way. We need to start paying closer attention to our own life stories.

Paula herself gave us the formula:

Listen - God is with us always, speaking to us, offering Life to us. Paula said that He often comes to us in ways that we do not recognize. God comes in disguise, she said. Even in the midst of life's disappointments and disasters. We must learn to trust and to begin to listen to the "small voice" that is trying to break through.

Pay attention - Our own unfolding lives are books full of stories for us to read, to learn from, and to tell to others.

Slow down - And the only way to really do the first two ingredients, listening and paying attention, is to stop rushing through life.

Paula said that the love of God is flowing like an immense river through our lives, but we miss it. How can we be so blind?

The problem is that we are asleep, spiritually speaking, most of the time. In the gospel of Mark, Jesus tells us to stay awake, to watch, and to pray.

But for most of us, this is exceedingly hard to do. Thus the famous passage: "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak."

So my prayer this Lent, for myself and for you, is to grow in mindfulness of the Pilgrim Way that we walk throughout our lives. Practice the three-part discipline of Listen, Pay Attention, and Slow Down. Start to pay closer attention to the stories of our lives. Look for the God who comes in disguise, and listen to His voice.

Paula told one story about meeting a spiritual guide who shocked her with this question, "What are you becoming?"

Lent is a great time to ponder this question.

Posted by Terrence Seamon on Wednesday March 14, 2012

Forget Yourself

I recently came across a daily practice for increasing mindfulness and being more present in the moment. Here is the adapted version:

“Rise early and go outside in the morning. Just stand there for a few minutes. The ideal place to go to would be a garden, or your front or back yard.

"Standing there, spend time listening and observing. Observe the trees, buds, leaves, and blades of grass. Observe the insects, the ants scurrying, the bees going from flower to flower.

"Notice the smell of the morning and the way the rising sun touches things.

"As you forget yourself in such a place, Nature has a way of making you feel present in the moment.

"If you are on a porch or terrace, watch the clouds, the blue skies, the birds streaking by. If you have a bird feeder, watch as birds come and go to feed.

"For the rest of the day, you will feel energetic and happy deep within. Then, at night, just before you close your eyes, think back to the events of your day, moving over everything that you did and felt slowly, like a gentle beam of light moving across a floor.

"Give thanks for all the joyous moments, and gifts that came your way."

Posted by Terrence Seamon on Tuesday March 13, 2012